Smoke and Mirrors
Are you truly seeing yourself? How do you know?
Once in a bygone era, I was unsure of my identity. The more I investigated my chromosomal build, the who became distant. How was I to have such a profound connection and relation to the Y chromosome? Why does my existence reject social order? Maybe I thought I knew myself well, but I realized that I wasn't ready to build a connection with someone I couldn't keep safe. I was like a rookie playing his first game of the season. Sure, I'm very much the man for the job; I made the team but the pressures of greatness refused solace. Greatness requires courage to demand your needs be met; on and off the court. Mastering this metric doesn't happen overnight; your expertise won't kick in until you've advanced to the varsity league. Being alone with your thoughts and feelings, training your brain to feed off the taste of liberation - nothing prepares you for war like this. Regularly, I felt out of place; numb. Drowning from waves of ignorance, abandonment betrayal, and ridicule. Who was I to think I had the strength to defend my being when I internalized the essence of my DNA makeup as demonizing, monstrous; and inherently damaged? The blame lies somewhere in between the societal pavement; those ideological systems designed to redline autonomy, authenticity, and liberation, and generational trauma; a curse that is far too lenient, and possessive. I learned at a very young age how to blend in a state of procedure. I never did things because I wanted to, I had to; right? Get an education, if you can even call it that. The curriculum I grew up on was built on lies and dehumanization. Christopher Columbus might've sailed but he didn't find the lands we've been told to call America. Work for us while we exploit your labor and alienate you. Participate in capitalism so that the wealthy remain rich and forge unattainable thresholds. Biologically, you need to be how you were born and who we want you to be. There’s no room for you to be who you are; you don't have that luxury.
Dear society,
How do you sleep at night? I imagine some peaceful, while many stay up late dreaming of the day they can finally eat a piece of the pie. I'm not a fan of pie or rules with loopholes my people don't have access to. Who appointed you master? Where are your credentials to support your PhD in systemic racism, inequity, and hate? What gave you the right to steal from my ancestors? Where do you get off on taking what doesn't belong to you and treating melanated humans like aliens?
Today, I'm a living, breathing example of what happens when you come across the tools to build your human capital. I didn't know who I was and when thought I figured it out I hated what I saw in the mirror, how I felt on edge every day; scared that at any moment, I might die. Scared to love me because those that mattered most didn't love me. But, I needed to feel whole. I didn't want to pretend anymore. I believe in fairytales and happily ever after; I knew that if I wanted a chance at happiness and freedom, I needed to be willing to dance with the wolves and never allow anyone the privilege of being published authors in my autobiography. I defined myself for me; steel plates, solid foundation. I can finally breathe.
Cultured Seeds Inc. hosted our 7th Art Showcase, Backyard Gems” on March 15th. The inspiration for artists was around the theme, “Mirrors”. What are you a reflection of? A new addition was added, “PAUSE” which prompted participants to slow down and think deeply about who they are and how they show up for themselves and others. With deep reflection comes the opportunity to establish meaningful; genuine connections and prioritize regular examination of self for radical transformation. Frequently, we hide behind our pride and egos, cautious not to trend toward accountability. But, this merely pushes us further away from being decent humans. Humanity has proven rare decade after decade. This is because we’re chasing behind the very thing society created to cause separation in the first place. We've been brainwashed into thinking that the pursuit of happiness and abundance is rooted in our ability to produce; and be slaves to the system. The reality is, that the pursuit of happiness begins with declaring a love for ourselves; and becoming attracted to being uniquely different. Only then, can we distribute love to our communities in a liberating way. What are you a reflection of? Is it capitalism, racism, discrimination, or hope, care, and genuine reciprocity?
Top 3 artists of the night:
Jai’reeice Jackson( Mental Health Advocate, Brother, Son)
Diana Jackson( Educator, Wife, and Mother)
Satoinee Jackson( Artist, Student leader, Race and social justice advocate)
These amazing individuals provided show-stopping masterpieces for our Gallery Walk and shared more about what inspired their final product. The remaining participants received a personalized jar filled with a set amount of coins for their contribution, which is associated with our CHANGE lab as a way to pay homage, restore, and put resources back into our community. Backyard Gems, because we owe it to ourselves to prioritize mental health, heal, build each other up and around, and end the cycle of generational trauma.